Monday, February 13, 2006

Late night observation

Depressing or not. Red flag raised. Suicide watch.
Whatever the case, its hard for me to not realize at this point that there isn't a whole lot of meaning to all of this. We're all marching towards the same end. The same ultimate death and disintegration. What reason is there to believe that there really is an afterlife? The flying spaghetti monster theory[1] kind of hammers this point home. Absurdity is something most people are afraid to point out. Emptiness is something most people are afraid to embrace. But what is there then? Why do we push through this life of suffering when deep inside we're all afraid to admit that we're really so alone its scary?

Honestly, its because we all find ways to escape. Whether love, of joy, or mind altering substances... those of us with these revelations burned in our minds search for ways to distract ourselves from the sobering, sickening truth that seems to saturate our lives. I like to think that there is a good reason to stand up against the absurdity. I get satisfaction from defying it. From staring into the dark abyss and showing that I want to live this life whether or not it means anything. To hell with the emptiness. To hell with the unknown. I'd rather embrace hope than give into sorrow. But what is hope other than cheap escapism? There has to be a better cause...

Assume the worst: life is meaningless...
Ask yourself: Is life worth living?
Your answer is your own... but you have to first choose the attitude with which you will answer. The choice reduces to one of submission or rebellion. Submission is acceptance. Rebellion is defiance. To me, the manifestations of submission are apathy and sorrow. Don't submit to your fate. If you do, I can't imagine how you could ever carry on.

Rebel. Defy against your condition. To me, the manifestation of rebellion is passion in the face of the absurd. This passion is not based on hope, promise, or anything other than the sense of defiance against one's condition. As you face your own moments of depression... as you face your own fate of endlessly rolling these boulders up the mountain only to see them roll back to the valley, over and over again. You have a choice. A moment to reflect and make a decision. For a moment, everything is clear. You become cognizant of your condition. You have the opportunity to choose between submission or rebellion. I choose defiance... without any justification, I choose to continue down the hill to meet my one truth: my fate, the absurd, the boulder. I don't imagine myself happy. I imagine myself content with the awareness of the truth, and I imagine myself fulfilled by passion in the face of the absurd.

This choice of submission or rebellion is entirely dependant on being truly aware of the question. This leads me to bring up the issue of lucidity and escapism. Life presents us with many opportunities to escape. Chances to hide. Hope is an escape. It is a way of masking the sorrow that is typically the initial reaction to those moments when the absurd condition becomes clear. Those who make leaps to find reasons to hope are hiding from the question of life and death. Hiding from the lucidity of that which is certain: the absurd. Then how does one carry on? In the face of the absurd. Without hope? What do we embrace? Passion. Passion and defiance.

(2) These thoughts were inspired by the works of Albert Camus and his work "The Myth of Sisyphus"


At 2:33 PM, Anonymous defo said...

now this is the ryan that i know and love. rock on!


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